A never-ending cycle.

I can´t do this anymore. I’m loosing hope. I have no motivation.

To be happy I need to beat anorexia, but I’m afraid to gain weight. I keep thinking that I’m not worthy of this life, that I’m not ill enough to be worthy of recovery. Then i feel guilty for feeling this way when I have so many opportunities to have the most marvelous life ever. I think the same thoughts over and over again:

“There’s no reason for me to continue living.” > “But I can’t kill myself because that will hurt my loved ones.” > “WHAT AM I DOING! I should do something productive so I can achieve something in life!” > “But I don’t want to live. So there’s no meaning.”

Depression, guilt, anxiety, then it starts all over again.

I don´t know how to break this cycle. I just try to deal with it and accept my thoughts for now.




Anorexia Recovery


A lot of things have happened.

A little bit over two months ago I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa.

Right now I’m in recovery, and it’s going okay.

Some days I feel unstoppable other days I feel empty, like I’m lost in a dark, never-ending  maze.

Today I don´t know how I feel. Probably because I’m pushing away my feelings as usual.

I think I’m going to write posts about my recovery and eating disorders in general, if my f*cked up brain doesn’t stop me.

I know I don’t post regularly, but that’s because of my mental state, and it´s probably not going to change (both my mental state and irregularly posting). But it´s okay. No one reads my blog anyway. It’s not really a blog, more like an online diary… which anyone can read. So it’s not a diary either. It’s a mess, just like me, which means it’s a replication of my mind.




Another sort of christmas

Christmas in now over.

Maybe you had a lovely christmas or maybe it was horrible for some reason. Maybe you´re really sad or you´re really happy that christmas is over. There´re different reasons why some people don´t feel the excitement and joy as others do at christmas time. Maybe they have lost a loved one recently or their family don´t have a lot of money or they have a parent that´s an alcoholic… anyway, there´re many different reasons why. I just wanted to say that even if christmas is the most wonderful time of the year according to you (and many others too) it can be an awful time for others.


I´m starting a new thing here on my blog

I read A LOT, and I like to share my thoughts about the books I read with my friends but not with… other people. With “other people” I mean people that don´t deserves to read amazing books. It´s a bit hard to explain but lets just say that if I hear someone I don´t like say; “Oh, I love Divergent!”, I will get really angry and probably stab that person in the eye with a butter knife, because I don´t think they deserve to enjoy something incredible like that book. Anyway… even if I don´t like to share my thoughts, opinions, etc about books I read with everyone I want to share them with you and also hear what you have to say about the books I choose to discuss here on my blog. I don´t really have a clear vision about what this is going to be yet, but I´m working on it. I think I´m going to write about my thoughts/opinions, my thoughts/opinions about other peoples thoughts/opinions, discuss different moments/conversations from the book and/or just write different parts from the book that I think are incredible. You can take part in the discussion by leaving a comment and you can also give book recommendations and… yeah, things like that. I don’t know what I want to call this and I don’t know when I´m going to post the first one but I know that I want this to be something that you also can be a part of.

If you have any idea of what this thing should be called, please leave a comment, and/or if you have any book that you want to be discussed let me know.

Merry Christmas!

Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Holidays!



My Blog Name

As you probably already have figured out this blog post is going to be about my blog name, and that´s because I think my blog name is a bit odd.

Sometimes (very often) I can feel like I´m not like others, that I think different, do different things, dress different… and I like that, to stand out from the crowd, because who wants to be like everyone elseI know that I don´t want to.

But sometimes I think people can think that I go a little over the edge with being different,  they think I´m weird and that I shouldn’t do the things that I do because it´s not the normal thing to do. But I don´t really care about what they think, because that´s not important to me. But I have always wondered why many people think that different is bad. Are they scared of the foreign or what is it?

But anyways, that´s the explanation to my blog name, AlienGirl, is that I can feel like an Alien in some situations, and the explanation to the other half of my blog name is (very easy and you have probably already figure it out) that I´m a girl.

Picture (not mine): http://www.dragas.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Umbrella-standout.png

Thats it, and thank you for reading (if anyone even did).

AlienGirl leaves the Earth…

Hello World!

Hello world.

You probably don’t care why I wanted to start,*storyteller voice*, sharing my thoughts with the world through this blog (*sarcastic ton* because I´m such I deep person), but I´m going to write about it anyway.

I don´t really know why I decided to start a blog (this blog, obviously). Probably because I´m a loner who doesn’t like to be with a lot of people at the same time and prefers to have a small group of friends (aka, an introvert), but still want to communicat with people and share my f***ing weird, insane, random as sh*t… thoughts. Uh, I’m already regretting this…

ANYWAYS… I have wanted to start blogging for a long time now and since it´s a new year, 2016, and everyone starts working with their New Year´s resolutions I thought that today, the first day of the year, would be a good time for me to start my blog (mainstream I know!).

I don’t know exactly what I´m going to write about on this blog, but probably like dancing, drawing, books, fashion, music, anime and different things about life (because I find those things interesting). Life is really not something you can get through without making mistakes, but we learn from our mistakes, it’s such a cliché but it’s true. We also need to make a bunch of choices in our life, hard and easy, big and small, but one thing that has to do with choices that I think is a bit weird is that one small choice can change your whole life. For example; you skip one meal and you end up having an eating disorder, or you decided to stand up for that kid in your class that´s bullied and you two end up being really good friends. I don’t know why I´m writing this, I actually don’t know where this is going and it doesn’t seem to either because my mind is completely plank! So, I think I’ll end it on that note.

If you have come this far you have not learned anything new or important at all and you probably wasted your time reading this, but I hope you’ll have a wonderful day.

AlienGirl leaves the Earth…